REBT Is Not Just in Your Head: Why Behaviour Matters (and What the Stoics Already Knew)
When people hear Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), they often get stuck on the “thinking” part. They think it’s all about challenging irrational beliefs and replacing them with rational ones—and yes, that’s part of it. But let me be clear: REBT isn’t just about what you think. It’s also about what you do.
In fact, if you only sit around analyzing your thoughts without changing your behaviour, you’re doing a watered-down version of REBT. And it won’t get you far. Why? Because lasting change doesn’t come from thinking alone. It comes from acting differently, even when your emotions are screaming at you not to.
Ellis Said: Dispute the Nonsense, Then Go Live Your Life
Albert Ellis made it clear from the start—irrational beliefs don’t just fall apart because you had a deep insight in therapy. You have to test them in the real world. That’s why REBT is loaded with behavioural experiments, tasks, and exposure work. Not to make you suffer, but to help you build confidence and emotional strength where it really counts—in your actions.
Let’s take a common irrational belief:
“I must never fail, or I’m a complete loser.”
In REBT, we’ll dispute that belief—point out how illogical, unhelpful, and extreme it is. But we won’t stop there. We’ll ask you to go out and do something you might fail at. Maybe that’s applying for a job you’re not sure you’ll get. Maybe it’s speaking in public, starting a conversation, or saying “no” to someone. Why? Because we want you to learn through experience that failure is survivable, even valuable.
This is where REBT overlaps beautifully with Stoic philosophy, which Ellis himself admired and quoted often.
The Stoics Were Doing REBT 2,000 Years Ago
Take Epictetus, one of Ellis’s favourites. He said:
“Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them.”
Sound familiar? That’s REBT’s whole cognitive premise. But Epictetus didn’t just stop at thinking differently—he emphasized living differently, too. The Stoics practiced voluntary discomfort, like going out in the cold or wearing ragged clothes, to prove to themselves that they could handle hardship.
Why? To build courage and resilience.
Similarly, REBT encourages you to face uncomfortable situations—not to punish yourself, but to discover that you can tolerate discomfort, rejection, failure, and even anxiety—and keep going.
Think of Marcus Aurelius, the Roman Emperor and Stoic writer, who reminded himself:
“You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
REBT says something similar: You can’t always control what happens, but you can control what you believe about it—and how you act in response. And acting differently is often the quickest way to teach your emotional brain that you’re not in danger just because you’re uncomfortable.
Examples from Practice
Here are some practical examples of REBT’s behavioural focus, often aligned with Stoic courage:
Fear of rejection? REBT might challenge you to start a conversation with a stranger—or even ask for something you’re sure will be turned down (like asking a café for a discount). You’ll survive it—and realize your worth isn’t based on what others think.
Perfectionism? You may be asked to purposely make a small, harmless mistake—like wearing mismatched socks in public—to prove that making errors doesn’t ruin your value as a person.
Social anxiety? You could practice being assertive, expressing disagreement, or saying “no” to unreasonable requests—while tolerating the anxiety that comes with it. That’s how emotional strength is built.
Stop Waiting to Feel Better—Start Acting Better
Here’s the bottom line: Don’t wait until you feel motivated, calm, or confident. That day might never come. In REBT, we teach you to act in accordance with your rational beliefs, not your temporary emotions. That’s where real freedom lies.
You don’t need to feel brave to take courageous action. In fact, the Stoics and Ellis would both agree that bravery is doing what’s right despite the fear—not in the absence of it.
Final Thoughts
REBT is a therapy of thinking, feeling, and doing. Its behavioural strategies aren’t optional—they’re essential. You learn by living. You grow by acting. And you change not just by understanding your irrational beliefs, but by proving them wrong through experience.
So, take a page from Ellis—and the Stoics. Challenge the nonsense in your head, and then go out and live boldly, imperfectly, and with a bit of discomfort on purpose. That’s how real emotional freedom begins.
