Surviving Holiday Drama Like a Pro: How REBT and Stoicism Can Save Your Sanity!
Ah, the holidays. A magical time of togetherness, love, and goodwill—or so the greeting cards want you to believe. In reality, the holiday season can be a breeding ground for stress, family drama, and emotional meltdowns. If you’re dreading those awkward dinners, passive-aggressive comments, or outright blowups, don’t worry—you’re not doomed to suffer.
Using a combo of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and Stoic philosophy, you can change how you think about those tricky family interactions and enjoy the holidays without pulling your hair out.
1. Stop Demanding Your Family Be Perfect
Here’s the thing: most of us walk into family gatherings with a bunch of irrational beliefs that set us up for misery. Stuff like:
“Everyone must get along, or the holiday is ruined!”
“If someone criticizes me, it means they don’t respect me!”
“My relatives should all behave the way I want them to!”
Guess what? Life doesn’t work like that, and neither do families. People are flawed, opinionated, and sometimes downright annoying. That’s reality. The problem isn’t their behavior—it’s your rigid demands about how they shouldbehave.
REBT teaches us to turn those irrational demands into flexible preferences. Instead of “My family must respect me,” try:
“I’d really like it if they respected me, but if they don’t, I can handle it.”
This shift won’t magically change your family, but it will change how much power they have over your mood.
2. Control Yourself, Not Them
Let’s get one thing straight: you cannot control other people. Not their opinions, their snarky remarks, or their loud chewing at the dinner table. What you can control is how you react to them.
This is where the Stoics really nailed it. Marcus Aurelius said it best: “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
So when Aunt Susan starts grilling you about your life choices, stop and ask yourself:
Is her comment annoying? Sure.
Is it catastrophic? Absolutely not.
REBT reminds us that it’s not the event itself that upsets us—it’s what we tell ourselves about it. If you’re thinking, “How dare she ask that?! She’s ruining my day!” you’re just adding fuel to the fire. Instead, try:
“It’s irritating, but it’s not the end of the world. I can handle this.”
3. Ditch the Guilt and People-Pleasing
Do you feel like you have to make everyone happy during the holidays? Spoiler alert: that’s impossible. The more you try to please everyone, the more miserable you’ll make yourself.
REBT is big on unconditional self-acceptance. That means you’re not a “bad” person if someone is unhappy with you. You’re just a human, doing your best.
The Stoics take it a step further. Epictetus said, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” So, if someone gets upset because you set a boundary or don’t meet their expectations, that’s their issue—not yours.
4. Practice “Holiday Resilience”
Let’s face it: stuff will go wrong. Someone will say something rude. A dish will burn. A family member will bring up politics. Expecting perfection is a one-way ticket to disappointment.
Instead, use REBT to practice resilience. Remind yourself:
“I don’t like this situation, but I can deal with it.”
“Just because the day isn’t perfect doesn’t mean it’s a disaster.”
And hey, the Stoics would tell you to love the chaos. They called it amor fati—loving your fate. Embrace the imperfections and laugh at the absurdity of it all.
5. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
If certain family behaviors drive you up the wall, you don’t have to suffer in silence. REBT encourages you to assert your needs without turning into a raging lunatic.
For example, instead of saying, “You’re ruining everything with your negativity!” try:
“I’d appreciate it if we could keep the conversation light today.”
And if someone refuses to respect your boundaries? That’s on them, not you. The Stoics would remind you that their reaction is outside your control. You’ve done your part by speaking up calmly and clearly.
6. Focus on What Really Matters
At the end of the day, the holidays aren’t about perfect meals or harmonious family gatherings. They’re about connection, gratitude, and making the best of the time you have.
REBT teaches us to focus on what’s good, even when things aren’t ideal. Instead of fixating on what’s going wrong, make a point to notice what’s going right.
The Stoics had a similar idea. They practiced gratitude daily, even for life’s small pleasures. Seneca said, “True happiness is... to enjoy the present, without anxious dependence upon the future.”
Final Words
Family drama doesn’t have to ruin your holidays. By applying REBT and Stoic principles, you can keep your cool, stay sane, and maybe even enjoy yourself. Remember: you don’t need a perfect family or a perfect holiday to feel good about yourself.
So take a deep breath, challenge those irrational beliefs, and focus on what really matters. And if all else fails, just smile and remember that the holidays will be over soon enough!
Need help navigating holiday stress? Let’s talk. Reach out to schedule a session—I’ll help you tackle the season with confidence and clarity.
